New Series: What I Wish I Knew BEFORE I Got Married

Heyyy y'all!!!

Welcome back to Life, Faith &Love! I am bringing a new series to you guys titled, "What I Wish I Knew BEFORE I Got Married." I'll be real with you guys, it was a bit of a struggle finding people who were willing to open up about their marriages or their personnel experiences in regards to relationships. It's a sensitive topic for some, but I believe relationships, especially marriage will either catapult you towards your purpose/destiny or may keep you stagnant and you never fulfill your purpose. This is why it's important we talk about this topic and share wisdom, so we are prepared if that season presents itself!

I interviewed an amazing life coach/relationship coach name Vivian. She helps women heal and recover from bad relationships/breakups/divorce. She aids woman cultivate healthy relationships by encouraging them to have a healthy relationship with themselves first. Find her on instagram @VibewithViv and check out her website at Vibewithviv.com. Now lets get to the MEAT of this blog post. I asked Vivian a series of questions and her answers were sooooo good!!!

1. Before you got married, what were some of things you were excited for?

ooohhh.... ummm, I was excited to come home to someone. Like, YES, this person is at home waiting for me. I was looking forward to creating a future with this person. Him and I working together to create this life for ourselves. I knew it would be some WORK, but we'd be in it together. There are a lot of hobbies my husband and I have in common, like rollerblading, traveling and just having fun together. I was excited to start a family and raise my children with this person. Although there were some unknowns in the future, I knew it'd be him and I through it all.

2. What were you nervous for?

You know... I don't know really what I was nervous about, I don't think I was nervous really. I'm the type of person that goes with the flow. I can only control myself and control my part in the relationship. If something is not going well, or the ups and downs, the better for worse, all I can do is just control myself and how I would respond to it. I wasn't really nervous for anything, nor scared of anything. I did know I had to make a mental decision that I was going to stand by this person, through the ups and downs of life.

AIRBUBBLE THOUGHT:

(To me y'all this speaks of the peace and assurance Vivian had, knowing she was marrying the right person. When you know you chose the right person and you are at peace with your decision, feelings of nervousness is low.)

3. What do you wish you did more of before you got married?

I was in school FOREVER. I did 4 years undergrad and 4 years of grad school. So 8 years of my life stuck in school and all I did was just study, study, study. So I didn't really get to travel and explore like I saw some of my other friends doing. I am thankful that I was able to get an education, but at times I feel like it hindered me a bit from doing some of the things I enjoy doing. Honestly the best time for evolving and being strong in who you are, is before you get married. I wish I could have danced more, gotten more involved in groups, wish I traveled a lone, and wish I lived longer alone (without roommates) before getting married. Spend that quality time with yourself, enjoy your me time. You have ALL the time right now, do what you want. Although now that I am married I am still able to pursue some of those things, but not to the extent that I would have if I was single.

AIRBUBBLE THOUGHT:

(In Queen Bey's great words: "Me, Myself and I, that's all I got in the end and it's what's what I found out. And there ain't no need to cry because for now on imma be my own bestfriend." Be your own bestfwaandd before you get married people!)

4. Where you READY???

I would say yes. The funny thing is, when my family found out that I was engaged. My elder cousins said they weren't surprised that I was getting married first. Out of all of us, it makes sense that you would be the first. Since from college I've been a non-BS type of person. I could sense a YEYE boy from miles away. We don't want no YEYE boys over here, don't waste my time. I knew what I wanted from an early age and who I am as a person. Because of that there was a peace when I met my husband. I was able to think about now and my future and was able to discern that. At times we go into a relationship with this perception that this person is going to fulfill all my needs, but you have to be able to make yourself happy and be able to exude positive energy from within. Before I got married I was pretty grounded in inner joy and peace and that helped tremendously when I met my husband. There was a peace and we were heading towards the same vision, it just felt right. I was ready for it.

AIRBUBBLE THOUGHT

(In the Great Oluwa Burna Boy words: "YE YE, yeyeyeyeye, YE YE, YE YE, yeyeyeyeyeye")

5. What could singles be doing right now, that could make them a better spouse in the future?

One of my biggest things, is that a healthy relationship, starts first with you. A little bit of what I said before, a lot of us put unrealistic expectations on others to make us happy. You have to FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF FIRST! Take care of yourself, love yourself first, because a healthy relationship starts first with you. If you need to start eating healthy, working out, or get an education, start NOW. Start to cultivate those traits in yourself that you'd want in your spouse, because you attract what you are. 

6. Advise you'd give yourself the night before your wedding?

One of the biggest things we get confused about, is what is love? A lot of people confuse love with that oohhh, giddy feeling, but love goes beyond that, LOVE IS A CHOICE . One day you might in love and the other you might be out of love, but you have to continually choose to love this person. Marriage is work. You have to work to continue to mend things, grow things and empower each other. Once you choose that everyday, it becomes more natural and normal, but in that early phase you are all giddy and excited, but it'll get to the point when you have to choose. One of the biggest things I'd tell anyone who is young or planning to get married is you have to choose to love each other no matter what and you have to work to maintain it. 

7. What 3 tools have enabled you and your spouse to succeed so far?

One: Communication is key, it sounds cliche but it's so important. You have communicate your expectations to each other. Your spouse can't read your mind and you may think if they love me, they'd be doing x,y, and z, but sincerely some people just don't know. They're upbringing might be different from yours and you have two diff expectations. Maybe their mom or dad did things certain ways and now they want the same thing in their marriage, but you have to address those things and decide now this is our marriage, what do we want to keep or discard from our upbringing. Make sure you effectively communicate those expectations to each other, so you don't bump heads. 

Two: Respect is important. Men, their love language is respect. They want to be honored and know that they belong. They want to know that they are the hero of the home, so you allow them to have that role. Not that you are minimizing yourself, but because enabling him to have that role will help your relationship flourish. Also, the man needs to love his wife and honor her as well. I think a lot of times women think they are belittling themselves by being submissive, but no, women are not. Respect and love go hand in hand. When we respect, they love and the two are interchangeable. Then communicate each other love languages and be quick to forgive each other.

Three: Our personal relationships with God. Before I got married, I knew I wanted to be with someone who shared a similar faith as me. There's nothing as great as being able to stand together and pray on a topic on the same foundation. Our faith, has been instrumental in helping us succeed.

.....OOOOOOHHHHH WEEEEE..... The wisdom Vivian was serving us in this interview was noteworthy. I am so honored that I got to interview this great woman. I hope this content was a blessing to you and you come back next week, for more wisdom! If you have not yet subscribed to my newletter/blog page. Please make sure you do, subscribing is FREE! 

Also, I have some EXCITING news for you or if you know someone who is not much of reader, but enjoys content like this! I am creating YOUTUBE videos to go a long with my blogs!! The video for this blog has already been posted and I will upload below. Please check out the video and share with anyone you believe would be interested. Love y'all! Till next week friends!

Always keeping it real,

Titiana Ngongang

WHAT I WISH I KNEW BEFORE THE RING!